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Chinese toothpick plague!

Chinese kids have caused a dental plague in China by shooting used toothpicks with toothpick crossbows! The disease is spreading rapidly because Chinese adults cannot pick their teeth anymore!

Comey Firing Blamed on Auto-Correct

"I couldn't allow some commie to lead the Feral Burro of Instigation!" tweeted El Bendejo in all caps.

D List Comedian Kathy Griffin Finds New Gig in Remote Venue

Griffin scored what looks like a perma-gig in Nontetepapandia- former French African colony. Kathster will serve,Salome-like, as slave to the King, serving up roasted heads for court consumption.

Trump Denies Existence of Comey Tapes

"Who uses tapes any more?" he asked. "USB sticks are where it's at!"

Trump Says He Will Re-Join the Paris Climate Control Agreement on One Condition

"When it is renamed the Trump Climate Control Agreement, the U.S. will join again," said Trump.

Woman with 10,000 Piercings Says She's Bored

Jennifer Hole lives up to her name. She has 10,000 holes which she has placed in her body over the years to be exact. She says that over the years, she has become increasingly bored.

Green immigrant with a work visa sues for discrimination

A green space visitor with no experience nor college is suing a major corporation over an alleged racist remark made during a job interview. The company said the applicant was too green for the job.

Science Doesn't Have Enough Experience to Predict Global Warming Says Trump

"Superstition has been around much longer and has been doing a great job for centuries" said Trump."

Eric Trump Says Democrats Are "Not Real People"

"If they were real people, they would know, stealing from children's cancer charities is expected!"

Trump Wants to Negotiate Treaties Via Twitter

The finished product will be called a "tweaty"

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