Paxton Quigley

Screen Name: Paxton Quigley

Paxton Quigley has published 75 items on The Spoof.

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Latest Spoof News Story: Tuesday 10th March 2015

Spoofing since: Saturday 2nd June 2012

Location: Omnipresent, oh ok then London

Profile: A left wing libertarian atheist, a republican, anti-racist, anti-bigot and internationalist.

Left wing libertarian? We should all work together for the common good to create a better society and share the proceeds, but I'm not going to tell you what to do. Make your own choice. Ooh, is that a bit socialist for you?

Atheist? If I were to believe in a mythical "supreme being" where would it all end? I would then have to believe in witchcraft, pixies, elves, homeopathy, Tottenham Hotspur and all other sorts of weird things. Do me a favour.

Republican? Why should a collection of Greek-German-Scottish inbreds and retards hold sway over me by dint of birth? I am as patriotic as the next person, but I draw the line at not being able to become my country's head of state and will not bow to those simpletons. It's illegal in the UK to call for the dissolution of the monarchy. So arrest me.

Anti-racist and anti-bigot? There is but one race: the human race and why be so worried about other people's sexual proclivities? We should live and let live.

Internationalist? No Little Englander me. Europhobes go take a running jump. There's a whole world out there, engage with it.

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6,815 Americans die on Black Friday

Some 6,815 Americans died on Black Friday, which is the average daily number of deaths in the U.S. The difference: 6,754 of these deaths were blamed on crazy-ass shoppers trying to score a bargain.
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