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NBC Offers to Renew 'The Apprentice' If Trump Will Resign As President

This was in response to a petition signed by practically everybody in the U.S. and most of Canada.

Trump Will Reply to Kim Jong Un As Soon As He Looks Up All the Words

...especially "dotard."

Trump Threatens to "Totally Destroy" Republican Party

President Donald Trump today expressed his disgust with the Republicans failure to pass any significant legislation. "I will totally destroy the Republican party if this continues."

When is a US toy not a Chinese sex toy?

Chinese sex toy producers saves US giant toy retailer's neck by flogging its whole stock to them! US kids aint happy, but their dads certainly R, us too!

Forgotten Keys

47 years ago, at 7:45 a.m., Ed Terwilliger stopped on his way to his car, thinking he'd forgotten his keys. He felt his front pocket--reassured he had them--and left for work in his neighbor's car.

White House Declares War on ESPN

Rumors are rife that Trump is planning a drone attack on ESPN headquarters due to anti-Trump tweets.

Man Apologizes while Running Marathon

Runner Bart Snard apologized to other runners, who collapsed on the track. "I ate Beef-a-Reeno; it fermented or something." Said one runner: "I'm never running again. I think I have lung damage."

Trump Says He Has Evidence Obama Caused Hurricane Harvey

And he's pretty sure that the Congressmen who didn't vote for his health care bill caused Irma.

Trump Fires Secret Servicemen for Not Protecting Him from Press

"I have been ambushed by the press for the last time! I need some real protection!" tweeted Trump.

Trump Pardons Hitler

"He was just a misunderstood guy trying to help his country! I know how that goes" said Trump.

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