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Trump Declares Hillary Unfair for Using Facts During Debate

Trump was compelled to constantly interrupt Hillary to hide the fact that his nose kept growing.

Trump Announces His New Platform Will Be Revealed Only to a Trusted Few

"I am building a wall around my platform, and unless you pay, you don't get to see it!" said Trump.

Trump Tries to Back Out of Debate When He Finds Out About Lying Sanctions

Lying sanctions kind of destroy his whole platform.

Ted Cruz Endorsement of Trump Assures Trump of Misogynist, Insane and Homophobic Votes

Trump is hoping Scott Baio can hook him up with an endorsement from Pamela Anderson or Erin Moran.

Angelina Jolie Leaves Brad Pitt for Jeniffer Aniston

"I'm devastated!" said Brad. "I had no idea!!"

Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle to Form Vice Party

Palin and Quayle will promise to endorse anyone who will appoint them to ANYTHING.

Bill Clinton Admits He's Voting for Trump

"It's bad enough now living with her.Can you imagine how it'd be if she was President?" he admitted.

Hillary Has Caught a Virus from Her E-Mail Accounts

The virus was tracked down and found to be from <classified>.

Trump Will Build a Wall on Mars to Keep Martians from Invading Earth

And he will make the Martians pay for the wall!

Dangerous Drinking Game Grips Nation

Countless hospitalized drinking to Trump speeches:

1 drink beer: "tremendous" "huge" "so fast, believe me"

1 drink hard alcohol: "there is something going on"

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