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Trump Sends Secret Service to Walter Reed Hospital to Find the Gang of Green

"I just saw somewhere that someone there died because of gang of green. We're on it!" said Trump.

Trump Tweets that He's Afraid Obama or Crooked Hillary Will Screw up the Eclipse

Trump promised that he would make sure the eclipse happens.

Kellyanne Conway con exposed

She is positioning for a satire job with SNL

The Trump Jr. Russia Meeting Like Night At The Opera

The Trump Jr. meeting appears to resemble the stateroom scene from the Marx brothers film, A Night At The Opera. Everyone was there except the cast from Hamilton.

From Secret Service to Leaky Service

The Secret Service has announced they are changing names. "Its true," said a spokesman." POTUS has a prostate problem, we spend a large portion of time securing bathrooms, sometimes he leaks"

Trump Finally Confesses

A tearful president Trump finally confessed: "It's not real hair, stated the POTUS, its banana flavored cotton candy" POTUS stated he lost his real hair in a tragic blow dryer accident.

NASA news

Due to government budget cuts NASA announced plans for their next excursion. "We are going to the Seattle Space Needle, its cheaper than outer space" stated director Jim Beam.

Tweeting Out of Your Ass

idiom. Used to describe what President Trump does early in the morning when he should be devoting his time to mastering complex domestic and foreign policy issues.

Morning Joe and Mika Disappear

"They probably just had plastic surgery and now no one can recognize them," said Trump.

Pelosi now has major competition for Queen of Cuts and Not So Good Paste Jobs

Pelosi is revving up plans for more mug slits'n'glues, cuz Mika Brzezinski has gained the edge in the title for Queen of Cuts and Not So Good Face Paste Jobs. Both have emptied Amazon of clay stock.

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