Gary Glitter Seeking Asylum in Sexually Open-Minded Chile

Vung Tau, Vietnam- Gary Glitter, known around the world for his rock anthem "Rock and Roll" (Part 2), was arrested earlier this week in Vietnam for allegations that he had sex with two minors (one who is believed to be twelve years of age) in the country he has called home since March of this year.
While Glitter emphatically denies these actions, he has made it quite clear that he plans to leave Vietnam once and for all and flee to South America. Some sources claim that, if convicted, Glitter may face a lengthy prison sentence or, given the severity of the crime according to Vietnamese laws, be given the death penalty.
In a statement released this morning through Glitter's publicist, Glitter, who was arrested in 1999 for possession of child pornography, denies the allegations but claims that it is time for a change of scenery.
"I'm fed up with living in Vietnam. It gets too damn hot in the jungle and the food just plain sucks," the statement said. "I didn't have sex with these girls, but so what if I did? The Vietnamese sex laws are too damn strict. Come on, people- how many American GI's were shagging adolescent girls back in the 1960's? Well, after careful research, I have decided to offer a very large some of money to the government of Chile if they will give me asylum."
The statement did not reveal specifics as to why Glitter wishes to go to Chile, but Alejandro Rojas, a spokesperson for the Chilean government has a feeling it may have something to do with Chile's relaxed laws on consensual sex.
"It's true that our sex laws are a little more relaxed. I guess you can say that we are more open-minded to that sort of thing down here. Chile attracts many foreigners and tourists because of our sex laws. Twelve is the legal age for consensual sex between a male and female. Eighteen is the age for homosexual sex, but we mostly just turn a blind eye on that," Rojas stated.
Not coincidentally, Chile has been a popular vacation spot in recent years for such celebrities as Roman Polanski and R. Kelly. Even Charlie Chaplin, who reputedly had several relationships with young girls, had a vacation home outside of Santiago in the 1960's.
Rojas declined to comment on whether or not he felt that the Chilean government would offer Glitter the asylum desired, but did add that "Rock and Roll" (Part 2) is played regularly at most Chilean soccer games.
"We love that song here in Chile," said Rojas. "Did he ever write anything else?"