Written by Agent Anonymous
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Sunday, 30 October 2005

image for Whatever Happened to Johnny Rotten?

What happened to the inspirational punk we all know and love that is Johnny Rotten? After the early 1980's he just seemed to disappear and the punk era seemed to come to a close. A recent confession by one-hit wonder Rick Astley has shocked the world when he stated that he himself IS Johnny Rotten, and when a rather queer reporter from the town of Wigan, who goes by the name of Lewis Stubbs, placed a photo of both men beside each other, the similarities were incredible. During the interview with Mr. Astley he said " I wanted to be an anarchist, oh what a name! And then it hit me, I thought to myself, what the sweet be-jesus am I doing, I don't wanna give you up Jahweh, I don't wanna put you down, run around and desert you! I LOVE you and wanna tell a lie and hurt you (from behind)!" "I decided to become a devout christian, give up my anarchistic ways and replace my stomping and powting around with some rather metro-diddly-sexual arm movement and really pull in the chicks (although I only had one hit after my reformation and actually picked up more men than women, literally, and this Lewis Stubbs fellow who seems to have taken a liking to me should know!) " I did however, have a brief return to my former self and re-surface on the hit reality show 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here!' where I could not take my eyes off Katie Price's boo -- errrrrr -- eyes but, feeling ashamed of my relapse into my old ways, I went to straight to the confession box and broke down!!!" "Oh leave me alone, I want to be alone for a while" And then Mr. Astley stormed out in tears. (Mr Stubbs following close behind with some unidentified tools which resembled cucumbers)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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