Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Food, al-Qaeda, bakery

Saturday, 14 May 2011

image for Al-Qaeda Finally Able to Achieve Dream of Opening Worldwide Food Chain
So Tasty You'd Burst. No, Wait, Not in That Way

KABUL, AFG. - After the death of their leader, Osama Bin-Laden, a few weeks ago, the terrorist organisation has finally been able to carry out its true dream.

"We decided before [Bin-Laden joined] that we'd open up some food stores. You know, a bakery and a fast food restaurant," said a spokesman for The Al-Qaeda Food Conglomoracy. "We were thinking of investing in Silicon Valley start-ups once we made some cash from AQFC."

Some people are wary of the motives of the AQFC.

"They could drive down prices because of their Middle-Eastern work ethic," said a man who wished not to be named. "And some of the money they make could go home to their families, and not through taxes."

"Trust us," said the spokesman, "Look. Here's a certificate. If we do blow up the Effeil Tower or something, we have to declare bankrupcy and waste money on paying victims. We lose sets of hands, you lose lives and monuments. It's a Kobyashi Maru (i.e. lose-lose situation), and he [Osama Bin-Laden] didn't see that."

This reporter sampled some food from the AQFC in Posertown... sorry, London, before checking it over with Geiger detectors, and only picking up background radiation, found that the food was all good.

"We managed to get a wad of cash from OBL's inheritance, so, we're all set."

As of press time, Goldman Sachs were planning to become a greeting-card selling outfit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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