Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

image for Santa Claus Favourite To Lead Al Qaeda
Santa was finding the sand a bit of a bugger

Santa Claus has emerged as a strong candidate to succeed the slain terror chief Obama bin Shootin. Terrorists are said to be very impressed with his beard, which is a vital ingredient in any terror campaign.

Although not a muslim, Santa does appeal to a wide fan base, particularly the young. He is also rather difficult to track down and there are many who do not even believe that he exists. He therefore shares many similarities with the previous leader.

If Santa does accept the position he is likely to insist on a change in tactics. Suicide bombers will be expected to gain entry via the chimney and are expected to strike once a year, on the 25th December.

Other Candidates

Several other names have been mentioned as possible successors. Electric blues outfit ZZ Top, television biologist and eco-activist David Bellamy and television chefs the Hairy Bikers are all thought to have attended interviews, but Santa is the only one to have been invited for a second interview.

Ho Ho Ho

Santa will be the first non-Muslim to lead Al Qaeda, excluding Jade Goody, who led the organisation for two weeks while Obama bin Shootin was on holiday in Benidorm. Al Qaeda are clearly looking to expand their operation in the west and are said to be investigating which of the world's leaders have been good boys and girls.

White House Response

An official spokesperson for President Osama said "Ordering an unarmed man to be shot in front of his family and watching it live with a few friends means there is no chance of a visit from Santa".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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