Written by K.C. Bell
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Friday, 21 October 2005

image for Bush May Replace Cheney With Bill Clinton
I want my own Air Force One.

Reuters announced that a high level reliable inside White House source (snitch) revealed that when the Vice President is indicted by Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald, for the outing of C.I.A. Valerie Plame, President Bush will replace him with Bill Clinton. Learning of this possibility, Vice President Dick Cheney is reported to have gone ballistic.

"I'm not going to end up in the slammer with Martha Stewart." She's already out. "It's like the Ohio revote: the kid is off the reservation again. We need a distraction so I can get a pardon and back to business. Distraction, big time. Go to the drill. Terrorist Alert, highest level: Cafe Latte." Colors aren't used anymore. "Okay. I'll label it Flamingo Alert. Have my wife hock a new book." Already done, isn't selling. "Okay. Old man has to jump out of another plane." Done already. "Okay back to the drawing board. We've got to settle this middle east crisis once and for all. We need a hologram of God landing atop Mount Sinai announcing the 11th commandment: 'Jews and Arabs are from the same tribe. You are brothers. Behave.' Get Cecil B. deMille to direct." I think Steven Spielberg might be a better choice.

"Okay. Then have Osama Ben Laden parachute into Kansas seeking asylum like Rudolf Hess did in Scotland during W.W.II. Use Anthony Quinn to play Osama." Can't use Anthony Quinn. "Why not? He played the Creature From The Black Lagoon and Zorba, he can play Ben Laden." It isn't a question of his versatility. But in a way it is. Maybe we can use Ashton Kutcher instead. He just married Demi Moore. "When did she dump 007?" Never married to Roger Moore. It was Bruce Willis. "I thought he bought it in `Ghost'?"

Ayeeeeeee.

At the White House, President Bush could view the light at the end of the tunnel from under his desk in the Oval Office. "Once Robocop is gone and Bill Clinton is running things again, I can get back to cutting brush; hunting squirrels, counting road kills, and have this whole C.I.A. business about the messy leak behind me."

You might just maybe want to rephrase the last part of your sentence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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