Written by Nick Hobbs
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Wednesday, 4 May 2011

image for Bin Laden Still Causing Terror From Beyond The Grave
A turtle, yesterday.

Marine biologists have expressed deep concern over terror chief Osama Bin Laden being buried at sea.

The body of the Al Qaeda leader was dumped in the Arabian Sea last week, after he was shot in the head by the A-Team.

But since the burial, members of the Maritime Life Behavioural Study Centre currently studying in the North Arabian Sea, have begun noticing strange behaviour in its wildlife.

Turtles have begun to look depressed, more so than usual, and a shoal of Damselfish were said to be 'spaced out'.

Maggie Tripe, head of 'watching' for the centre, told us "Damselfish are generally very happy little fish, bobbing about playfully and eating, but since the moment the body hit the water they have taken on a more subdued look. They seem to be looking over their shoulders, like they think something is there, in the shadows."

"And the turtles are the same, they seem to be off their food, and I saw one the other day that appeared to be trying to drown itself," she continued.

The flora and fauna is also showing signs of distress, says Ms. Tripe.

"I was studying some kelp yesterday, and rather than being slimy and green, and sort of 'swooshing' about in the water, it was just dead stiff and hard, like it was scared stiff by something it had seen."

Asked for her opinion on what has caused the dramatic ecosystem response, Ms Tripe was quick not to jump to conclusions. Well, mostly.

"We are looking in to it, we need to study this and find out if it is just an ecological blip, a mere coincidence, or indeed if it is something more. However, I am a great believer in not poisoning the well. And for my money, that's exactly what they've done by dumping him in there!"

The studies continue.

In other news, Somali pirates have refused to go out on raids along the coastal areas of Oman recently after reporting strange visions of a long bearded mer-man, beckoning to them.

The pirates have taken it as an ill-omen, and are set to strike until their union representatives can ensure their safety.

Pictures exist, but are extremely blurred.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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