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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for India Uses $67B UK Aid to Purchase Russian Toilets for $1B Space Program, Buy an Aircraft Carrier,  & Used French Pissoirs   for Call Centers!
Somalian Pirates Hope Soon to 'Trade Up" to HMS Invincible to Gain International Respect!

British Prime Minister Dave Cameron stood behind his country's recent 'good will' gift payment of $67 Billion to India despite recent revelations the country used the money to buy Russian Toilets for it's fledgling space program, put a down payment on an aircraft carrier and supply used French pissoirs to call centers to alleviate bladder distress.

India, a country with less toilets per square mile then even Scotland, is said to have completed a trade deal with Russia on the toilets, despite well documented facts revealed in previous scoops that the units 'can't flush s**** " and have a tendency to leak causing an international 'pissing contest' with NASA, the US Space Agency.

In a nod to call center workers, now numbering in the millions, the Government has also said it will supply at least one unisex portiloo for each site. According to the French Minister of Trade they have finally been able to unload a 'shit house load ' of Pissoirs now deemed 'redundant' in Paris for a 'good price' as most new arrivals just piss in the streets.

An Indian defense minister also dismissed reports that the nation had boosted it's nuclear capability by buying 423 Nuclear Missiles from North Korea in exchange for a collection of recent X rated DVD releases including "Slum Dog Millionaire Slut" and "Miley Cyrus Goes Bunga-Bunga" much prized by the diminutive North Korean Porn Connoisseur Kim il Jong.

While Britain recently put up for auction the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible, and decommissioned the HMS Ark Royal, Naval Officials say the only inquiry they have on the Invincible is from Somalia where a naval spokesman only identified as "Captain Teach" said they would trade a Korean Tanker, a Malaysian fishing trawler, and a Dutch pleasure yacht for the 22,000 ton former proud fighting vessel.

According to inside sources, the Admiralty didn't dismiss the offer out of hand asking only, '"why would you want an aircraft carrier...Somalia doesn't have any Jet Fighters to stock it!"

The cryptic reply was, "Neither do you!" a reference the the grounding and redundancy of all Harrier Jump Jets, leaving the future of two new 60,000 ton aircraft carriers now under construction in doubt.

The government is undertaking the construction of HMS Queen Elizabeth and HMS Prince of Wales with construction slated to be complete no sooner than 2019 and no commitment to stock them with fighter planes. In fact, due to budgetary constraints due to continuing foreign aid commitments to India, China, Saudi Arabia, France, Belgium, Kuwait, and now Libya, the Admiralty said it will be forced to mothball the HMS Prince of Wales until they can off load it, possibly to Mexico, a country that said it need a bigger container vessel to transship illegal drugs into the port of San Diego. It will reportedly be an 'all cash deal' handled by Goldman Sachs for a'minimal' transaction fee arranged by Trade Representative Prince Andrew.

Tensions amongst the Coalition is said to be increasing as Lib Dem Nick Clegg is said to be ''furious' 'that sum of money went to India when it could have gone to Brussels to help fund legal action to enforce voting rights for prisoners, legal representation for squatters, and rehabilitative efforts to repeating pedophiles who deserve at least a fourth chance!"

More on the Collapse of the European Union as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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