Written by Pariah
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Topics: Japan, Godzilla

Sunday, 17 April 2011

image for Japanese Forgive Godzilla and Request His Assistance With Post-Tsunami Cleanup
Godzilla smiles for photo before eating the photographer

Tokyo Japan - The government of Japan announced today that they are going to formally forgive Godzilla for all his prior rampages, and are seeking his assistance in the aftermath of the series of earthquakes and giant tsunami that have devastated the island nation.

"Godzilla has gotten a bad rap over the years," stated Huzamama, spokesperson for the campaign to make peace with the giant firebreathing lizard. "So he's thrown a few massive tantrums and tried to bite our heads off, but then whose wife hasn't done the same from time to time?"

"Godzilla mainly tore down old electrical plants and killed off our dumber troops that couldn't fight, but rather stood around pointing and yelling "whoa, Godzilla! In retrospect, he was probably doing us a favor.

Speaking of favors, the Japanese authorities are requesting that Godzilla help provide assistance in the post-tsunami cleanup. "His fire can help dry lots of the water damaged areas, and his ability to absorb radiation would be most appreciated at our leaky nuclear facility".

Plans are to provide a large party in Godzilla's honor in the hope that he will attend and be enlisted to help. Some enterprising youth have started selling commemorative swim trunks with the message, "Come see my giant lizard" to promote the event. Authorities have announced that they will need to end the events before nightfall, to prevent having the lights attract Mothra, who like Rodan, has been Monstera Non Grata to Godzilla and the Japanese for many years.

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