Written by Mr Goster
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Friday, 15 April 2011

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Walter, aged 60

Sad news today as the World's oldest man, Walter Breuning, died in America at the age of 114.

He was well known for such sayings as 'We're all born to Die' and 'I'm ninety nine You Know' , and just recently said 'I'm One Hundred & Fourteen.'

Walter helped Henry Ford invent the automobile, was close friends with Frank 'Cornflakes' Kellog, and went to school with Rasputin the mad monk. He fought in both World Wars and was beaten in the 1936 Wimbledon Tennis Final by Fred Perry.

In the 1950's he turned to acting and is widely acknowledged as the person Marlon Brando based all his characters on. Walter won an Oscar in 1958 for his role as a paraplegic Ballet Dancer in the film 'No Need For Ballet Pumps' with Ginger Rogers as his co-star.

In the early 1960's he befriended Elvis Presley and the two of them had a successful Dry Cleaning Business, something they both agreed they could fall back on should their acting careers falter.

As Elvis continued to crave fame and fortune, the pair fell out and Walter drifted around the States, never staying in one place for too long. He became a songwriter and penned songs for Elton John, James Brown, Michael Jackson, Huey Lewis and more recently Ollie Murs and Duncan from Blue.

The colourful character has had a wonderful life, living until very recently with Hugh Hefner and the playmates at Hefner Towers. Walter returned to the family home when his general condition began to deteriorate and he passed away peacefully today, officially the oldest man in the world.

Speaking from the family home his mother Betty said 'He'll be sorely missed.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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