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Friday, 8 April 2011

image for Arianna Huffington: Writers are 'Free' to Write What they Want As Long As I Don't Have To Pay Them!
Arianna Surreptitiously Shopping for some Knock Off Head Scarfs in Palm Beach.

Former Conservative Media Moglette turned rabid liberal, Arianna Huffington, fresh from pocketing $315M after unloading The Huffington Post to a gullible AOL, confirmed that she had just made redundant the last of the paid writers employed by AOL.

Along with the windfall she pocketed, Arianna took over as Editor in Chief of the now combined media companies to be known as "The Huffington Post Media Group."

The Huffington post relied on a bevy of unpaid liberal amateur writers, non of whom shared even a pittance of her windfall profits on the sale.

The first thing Arianna, born in Greece and educated in the UK, orchestrated was the firing of 900 AOL paid writers who were under the umbrella of the Writer's Guild.

"I believe strongly in Unions, " she said as she continued her blasts against a number of bankrupt states fighting to curtail Union pensions and unfunded health care benefits, 'as long as it doesn't cost me any money from my own pocket!"

Just two days ago Arianna completed her Putsch, firing the last 200 salaried writers, but in the midnight E-mail to the now unemployed scribes, magnanimously offered them the opportunity to continue to write for her on a 'volunteer' basis.

The cut throat tactics have earned her the moniker "Captain Chaos" by the 1100 now unemployed writers and their distraught families.

"She talked a good game," said a former employee," all about freedom of the press, being allowed to write what you want, and even encouraging our staff photographers to try and capture celebrities in states of undress or worse yet in compromising heterosexual situations in order to boost circulation, while talking on the other side of her mouth about the horrid pandering to the masses! She really is a two faced BITCH!"

Things haven't been going to well for the new corporate entity. The stock is now trading at $20.44, down from its high of $29.45 just one year ago, and has taken a big hit since the announcement of the merger and Huffington's leadership position.

Arianna seems blissfully unconcerned. Questioned during a shopping spree at the designer used clothing store in Palm Beach 'Arrogantly Shabby' she defended her recent management decisions and cut throat business tactics.

"We're going to be more profitable than GM even with with all their cushy government deals, like no corporate taxes, and taxpayer funded rebates,' she said triumphantly. "We'll have no overhead except for the office in my home in Malibu, which incidentally is next to Al Gore, and for which I'll be paying myself rent. We've got lots of unpaid stringers waiting to sign on including bored housewives, teachers with a lot of free time on their hands during the day, and we're even starting to hear from thousands of 'non essential' government workers anticipating to be furloughed due to the impending shutdown of the federal government. And even better, I'll have no no healthcare premiums to worry about, even though Barry said he's give me a waiver if I needed it!"

According to Arianna there will be some additional changes to the writing format.

"We're no longer allowing writers to have their own by line. That only encourages writing puerile stories designed to garner the type of readership and following we at Huff/AOL don't want! All our writers will be treated as equals HERE!"

Huff went on to say she expects her writers to cover local grammar school spelling B's, Cub Scout Meetings, Non Sectarian Church Suppers, Peaceful Muslim Demonstrations, and focus more on the psychological needs of Gays and Lesbians, including those in the Military who will be facing 'unprecedented challenges as the dating field opens up."

Michael Huffington, who divorced Arianna in 1997 and declared his bi sexuality in 1998, was unavailable for comment but Arianna said she was sure her ex-husband would bend over backwards' to support her. No pun Intended.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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