Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 7 April 2011

image for Security Expert Fears Return To Violence After N Ireland Bodies Dissolved
No, no, no - NO! Dissolved, not dissolved! ed.

A top security expert is predicting a return of "The Troubles" in Northern Ireland after it was revealed that two of the bodies overseeing the winding down of paramilitary groups have been dissolved.

The Independent International Commission on Decommissioning (IICD) and Independent Monitoring Commission (IMC) were established to steward the dismantling of paramilitary weapons. They also reported on the activities of loyalist and republican groups as part of the peace process.

EIF News & Features Security Affairs Editor, Frobisher Sample, said: "This is a shocking act of terrorism. To take these men and women and dissolve them is completely callous and could certainly herald a return to the bad old days.

"If I read the situation correctly these people would have been kidnapped and just dumped in vats of some kind of acid - probably sulphuric or hydrochloric.

"It is impossible to say which side may have perpetrated such an act but neither the republicans nor the loyalists would have any trouble getting enough acid. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that hard men on either side got together and agreed to take responsibility for a goup each in order to pull the carpet... (Oh for crying out loud! Where do we find these people? Dissolved? You prat, Sample! Ed)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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