Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Earthquake, Tsunami

Monday, 14 March 2011

image for Japan Earthquake Has 'Straightened' Chesterfield's Crooked Spire
The all-new non-crooked spires this morning

Reports coming in from Derbyshire say that the 'Crooked spire' on the famous St Marys and All Saints Parish Church in Chesterfield, has been straightened as a result of last Friday's earthquake in Japan, that it is no longer crooked, and, in what is being described locally as a miracle, there are now two spires, not one!

Chesterfield are currently sitting pretty on top of League Two with 71 points from 37 games, and have a commanding 10-point advantage over closest rivals Bury, although the Lancashire club have played two games fewer.

The Crooked Spire of Chesterfield, as it is known, has been leaning and twisting since 1362, but when church warden Mary Swithins arose from her pit this morning, she had the shock of her life. Says Mary:

"I had the shock of me life! The spire was standing straight and tall, and it had an identical mate - I blame those Nipponese what with their earthquake and nusami and that."

Experts think that the 'rubbing together' of two distinct tectonic plates, has resulted in a shift in the equilibrionic calcogen in one of them, pushing it closer to the surface of the Earth's crust. This, in turn, has initiated a gargantuan 'seismic epididymisosis' near the church in Derbyshire, an event that has served to straighten the spire, and to give birth an identical twin.

A spokesman for Chesterfield City Council told us:

"This will hit tourism. Everyone wants to see the crooked spire. We ought to seek some sort of apology from the Japs, but seeing as they haven't yet said sorry for all those terrible atrocities during the Second World War, it seems a bit pointless."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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