Written by the edgy gerbil
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Thursday, 10 March 2011

image for London Top Gun-derground!
Is this really the closest thing they had? surely not!

Today, as a result of a Freedom of Information Act request, it was revealed that the drivers of London's iconic transport network have been recruited from not the usual dull hiring agencies you might expect (you know, the ones where if the applicant fails to eat the table he/she is hired), but, in fact, the worlds best air force squadrons.

I managed to track down Maj. P. Oopie who was a test pilot for the NASA space shuttle program, becoming disillusioned with flirting beyond the Earth's atmosphere. Major Oopie (or "Lumps" to his friends) now finds thrills and spills crawling through the Northern Line, some times reaching speeds of up to 35mph!

Then there is Col. Hiemy Blymie formerly a undercover Israeli fighter ace who now hurtles around the circle line.

A London Underground spokesman said: "We had to come up with something to better all the formula one drivers being picked up drive busses, unfortunately Mr Blobby hasn't returned any of our calls"

A spokesman for the MOD was not available at the time of going to print as Loose Women was still on.

Meanwhile, a vacancy has arisen in this publication's picture library, applicants should be able to demonstrate that they can tell the difference between a London Tube Train and some pink fluffy handcuffs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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