Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 2 February 2011

image for Zsa Zsa Gabor And Barbara Walters Attacked In Cairo
An Ancient Friend Of Zsa Zsa's and Barbara's

Cairo, Egypt - Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor and news-journalist Barbara Walters were both attacked today in Cairo, just outside the Egyptian Museum. Both women were treated for minor bruises at a local hospital, before being released. Police believe rioters may have mistaken the two elderly celebrities for mummies, and then tried to steal them!

The age of both Zsa Zsa and Barbara has always been a mystery. Fortuneately, there are some clues both in the archaeological and the fossil record that may give some answers.

Zsa Zsa's age can be measured in the thousands of years. The first records of her go back to the 3rd Dynasty of Ancient Egypt. Her likeness can be clearly seen in several of the giant columns at the Temple of Karnak. There are also some faint sketches of Zsa Zsa on a cave painting at Lascaux in France hunting a bison. She could be over 40,000 years old. Scientists would like to perform carbon dating on her to find out for sure.

Barbara Walters is 350 million years old. Barbara Walters is so old, she has gill slits on the sides of her neck. She may have been one of the first creatures to rise out of the sea during the Devonian Era. Barbara evolved at about the same time as other creepy critters, such as roaches, spiders, and slugs.

Zsa Zsa and Barbara went to the Egyptian Museum today, like they always do on the first Wednesday of each month. Both women have lunch together, sitting next to King Tut's sarcophagus. They both used to date him!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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