Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 29 January 2011

image for Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ Denied Entry By UK Immigration
DuBois Doing Yet Another Kilroy Silk Impression

Controversial cleric, Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ, of West 'By God!' Virginia, in the Disunited States of Americky, today sparked a major international diplomatic controversy as he was sent packing by UK immigration authorities at London's Heathrow airport.

DuBois had supposedly been undertaking a cultural exchange visit, stating that he was to be a guest of internet Arsebook 'friends' Martin and Anne Shuttlecock, of Littlehampton. However, suspicious UK immigration authorities detained the kooky cleric at the airport and subjected him to a 'right going over.'

Details are sketchy at this point, but it appears that DuBois had been travelling with six silicone based rubber sex dolls and a dismantled Harley Davidson motorcycle in his hold luggage.

Immigration officer, Vernon McBastard (originally from Eritrea) told Skoob News International that DuBois had been detained initially after requesting a pat down security search from a blonde, blue eyed, Amazonian looking Immigration Officer.

Further investigations revealed the silicone dolls and the dismantled Harley Davidson motorcycle in his luggage, arousing the suspicions of officers on duty.

McBastard told us exclusively (nobody else seemed particularly bovvered):

"We did a background check on this so-called man of the cloth, and we uncovered a really shady past. Our colleagues over the water told us that DuBois has a documented history of gang warfare with motorcycle outlaw groups, bar-room brawling, various accusations of sexual harrassment, riding a customised mobility scooter in a gravely reckless fashion, fraud, embezzlement, head butting hippies, shitting on shovels, and just generally being a bad-assed motherfucker. He was obviously unsuitable as a cultural exchange visitor to the UK. So his application was rejected out of hand and we sent the bugger back."

DuBois was last sighted being led away in handcuffs, gagged, and straitjacketed.

From his modest family home in Littlehampton, Arsebook 'friend' Martin Shuttlecock could only express sheer bewilderment at the unforeseen turn of events:

"Jesus," he told us. "He told me and the wife that his mission was to come to the UK to spread the word of God. Finding out that he's just a head case was something of a surprise, but not as much as him being sent back. I mean, usually they'll let anybody come here. Anyway, must go - the pub'll be open in a minute. Nice talking to you."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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