Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Jesus, Pat Robertson

Tuesday, 23 August 2005

image for Pat Robertson calls on God to "Take Jesus Out !"

Pat Robertson, in Tuesday's 700 Club show, concerned that Jesus has not, in Robertson's opinion, done enough to alleviate human suffering or adequately line the collection plates at his 700 Club, asked in prayer for God to "Take Jesus out!". Robertson went on to add,

"ASSASSINATE that baby in a manger God", going on to tell his worldwide 700 Club audience,

"I know it might .. it might put a damper on Christmas and Jingle Bells this year but who knows what could happen to America if Jesus Christ ever got hooked up with Bin Laden and plowed 10 shekels of flying chariots into the Sears Tower."

Robertson, during his broadcast, followers say, did, according to Robertson receive a reply from God saying "But, I AM Jesus Pat".

Robertson, they say had no further prayer requests but instead continued to pass around his collection plates at the 700 Club.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, still in a "chuckle" after Robertson also called for HIS assassination showed his amusement at the whole comic affair by offering free gas for life to the first 1000 Americans that could make it into their nearest Tiger Mart without being mauled to death by 198 million other Americans trying to make it to THEIR nearest Tiger Mart.

Sources close to Robertson say that Robertson continued his impassioned prayer, plea to God, even after 700 Club cameras stopped rolling. One confidential source said that Robinson prayed the following prayer in his private chamber ..

"WE can't do it Lord. Take him out. He is Jesus with incredible divine powers, Jesus Christ can shrink our planet to the size of a chicklet, chew it up then pTUUU it out into his holy spittoon for him and Moses to chuckle at any time they want."

Robertson continued,

"Jesus can take our entire known universe, plop it in a Pinto and send it flying into a crash test dummy wall bursting into a billion flames. We .. (sob) We can't take Jesus out Lord but .. You, You can .. Take Him out. Take him out Lord. Take him out in a in a most glorious BLAZE of agonizing, terrorizing God given John Wayne inspired barrage of flaming fire, lava and rancid, acid, tepid putrid blazing brimstone. Take Jesus out Lord .............. Amen".

Trinity Broadcasting Network has temporarily delayed future 700 Club broadcasts citing "technical difficulties".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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