Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 19 January 2011

image for Tunisian Officials Blame American Jazz for Recent Woes
Social unrest continues in Tunisia, clearly the fault of 1950's Jazz.

Struggling to bring order to what has been described by political analysts and local reporters to be a "civil war torn country", Tunisian officials still loyal to deposed president Zine al-Abinidine Ben Ali, have now blamed American Jazz for the country's recent troubles.

Bordering the Mediterranean in what would normally be a perfect tourist destination, Tunisia is now managing widespread social unrest and violent protest, though not managing things quite as well as minimum wage security guards might do at Metallica concert. Frustrated over the resident accusations of imposed poverty and lack of political freedoms, some officials are looking to assess blame for the conflict. Minister of the Interior, Muhammad Ali Ben-Aphlek claims that all their troubles are due to external western influences, starting as far back as the 1950's.

"That infernal popular music called Jazz is to blame", says Ali Ben-Aphlek. "After that song 'Night in Tunisia' became a hit, Americans started coming here with their casual attitudes and capitalist lifestyles. Our population was infected, and now they want things like food, water, shelter and to actually speak out in public, if you can believe that."

The lyrics to the actual song made famous by Dizzy Gillespie and later by Ella Fitzgerald are actually quite complimentary to the country, though Ali Ben-Aphlek is about 50 years behind the times. Some say Ali Ben-Aphlek is still upset over the loss of his American girlfriend three years ago, who just happened to be a Jazz Standard singer named Jennifer.

No word yet if the U.S. will be offering Jennifer Anniston up to Ali Ben-Aphlek as an enticement to help bring order to the country. "We don't expect the relationship to last very long", said U.S. intermediary Jane Mayer, "She just needs to hang in there long enough for him to stabilize things a bit". Mayer paused. "Maybe we should send in Jennifer Lopez instead".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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