Written by Spicewood
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Topics: Police, Electricity

Monday, 10 January 2011

image for Static Charges Investigated
Static in the Air

Ben Africa, an ex-secret operative with the Black Opps Group, Al Sarmir, had noticed that this winter, where he lived, a slight movement in his house would generate a charge of static electricity in him, and that any contact with a metal object would result in a jolt and a spark.

Ben remarked, "Hell I would get up to go to the door, touch the doorknob and get shocked, walk to the kitchen, touch the faucet and really get whacked with a shock. I have never seen it like this, something must be wrong."

Ben got in touch with Alvin Contino, Intelligence Head with the SOCOG and confronted him with his findings. Alvin revealed to him that recent interceptions of Al Kaida messages revealed a diabolical plot devised by Amir Ben Ali Benkillowat, to increase the actual static charge in the atmosphere by use of a Perniameter Accelerator in tandem with a Ionic Meteoric Pentameter that would increase the static charge within a pre-determined parameter, and that this charge could actually be pre-programmed to alter the charge in a variety of ways, i.e. logic, reason, direction, memory, etc.

Alvin further stated that with certain isometric alterations, that various behaviours could be altered, and that with certain gyroclonical regimens, it could actually be directed to geographical areas within a five to six mile radius.

This could account for static electric buildups of an unusual buildup this Winter in the United States. It could also account for various behaviour patterns of conduct we are finding.

SOCOG representatives, when confronted with the information, stated that the increased static charges this year are nothing to be concerned about, unless unusual behaviour is detected. Adding moisture to the air can sometimes help, and affixing a "static strip" which can be purchased at an automotive store, taped to the ankle so that contact can be made with the floor will also help. A chain can also be used to replace the "static strip" if you don't have access to an automotive store. It will, however, be noisier and could mar your floor. They also commented that they had "bugged" the Benkillowat facility and heard workers humming and singing "You Light Up My Life," followed by laughter and chuckles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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