Subo fanatics are up in arms at the latest security measures being put into practice at airports, mainly the more 'intimate' pat downs.
They are all frequent flyers, following their idol, Susan Boyle, around the world. They are to be seen EVERYWHERE that Susan goes. The only exception being....the toilet.
Regarding the pat downs...most of these fanatics are God Fearing purists and don't even allow their husbands to be so intimate with them unless they have booked an appointment.
Another piece of news that is troubling the Red Scarf Brigade, is the news that they will NOT be allowed to take their home-made fruitcakes with them. Apparently the cakes are so dense that the airports x-ray machines cannot see through to the centre of said fruitcakes.
These ladies have spent months and months baking fruitcakes from scratch (which means they didn't buy cake mixes). They had planned to take them to the disadvantaged people in Susan's home town of Blackburn and distribute them to all 'needy' families - which - according to the Red Scarf Brigades' misguided 'do-gooders' opinion, is EVERY family in Blackburn.
Airlines are not allowing fruitcakes on International flights for fear of them hiding explosive devices or other dangerous items.
The Subo Fanatics said that the only thing THEY have hidden inside THEIR fruitcakes, are red scarves, Susan and Pebbles button and verses from the bible written in their own hand and signed.
These ladies are distraught and feel that Christmas in Blackburn will just NOT be the same without their WONDERFUL AND GENEROUS GIFTS.
Nevertheless they say they will GRIT THEIR TEETH AND GIRD THEIR LOINS FOR THE PAT DOWNS as this is a small price to pay for being able to fly to Scotland.
Blackburn residents are said to be dreading the ONSLAUGHT. They have experienced the craziness of these women in the past.
Jimmy McMackin told us - on the quiet - that they were planning to have snow delivered to Blackburn, from all over the UK - in an attempt to build a huge barricade to keep these crazy women - and men (Oh YES...there are some fanatical Subo men out there too) OUT of Blackburn.
The residents just hope the cold spell lasts and that the snow, being delivered, does not melt otherwise they will be faced with floods AND the CRAZY Subo fanatics
More as it comes in.