Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Comet, Vixen, Blitzen Remain Under North Pole House Arrest
"I got a little present for ya, right behind this box. Heh, heh"

Fighting charges leveled against them nearly a year ago, some of Santa's key reindeer remain under barn arrest as we approach the 2010 Christmas flight schedule.

Forced into driver's safety, social and substance rehabilitation programs after numerous reports of broken laws, North Pole Superior Court ruled that the sleigh team must pass sanity, traffic safety, public health and sobriety tests before they will be allowed back on the streets of the Pole or up in the air.

Though Santa could not be reached for comment, elf spokesman "Twizzle" tells reporters that Saint Nick is concerned for the welfare of his reindeer and wants them to "just get healthy". While contingency plans are being drafted for an alternate team again this year, most of the reindeer team is expected to complete counseling and therapy sessions in time for the big day. New reindeer will have to be chosen to replace Comet, Vixen, and Blitzen however, as they have not been released from hoof bracelet monitoring and will be forced to remain under barn arrest.

Original criminal activities for the sleigh team were posted in the North Pole Gazette and read as follows:

Dasher: Nude streaking through public streets and venues, general public nudity
Dancer: Unlawful table top dancing, hoof damage to hardwood floors.
Prancer: Illegal homosexual activity -providing sexual services for money
Vixen: Prostitution, cavorting with known criminals, canoodling
Comit: Speeding in school zones, reckless flying, numerous accidents
Cupid: Multiple marriage-for-money schemes, falsified mail order bride schemes
Donner: Grand Theft from fashionable clothing, shoe and accessory stores
Blitzen: Public drunkeness and disorderly conduct

North Pole courts are scheduled to review the Comet, Vixen and Blitzen cases on December 23rd to determine fitness for return to reindeer society. Hoof bracelets may removed in time for the 24th, though insiders in the elf community have their doubts. Said one elf who chose to remain nameless, "We saw Blitzen get Vixen drunk last night while luring her to his straw bed, and Comet stole the keys to the sleigh and was buzzing Caribou last night at the speed of sound. Santa was pissed".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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