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Friday, 5 August 2005

image for Nuclear proliferation Treaty Revised
Blair couldn't resist a little smurk at the absurdity of his and Georgie's new idea

British Prime Minster Tony Blair and US President George W Bush have decided to revise the Nuclear Proliferation Treaty in the light of renewed terrorist activity.
In light of the bomb attacks on the London public transport system and recent statement from the Al Qaeda hierarchy, the two western powers have decided to revise the nuclear proliferation treaty. A cabinet office was quoted earlier this week as saying "It's clear that the treaty might as well be scraped, we're developing new short range weapons, in addition to replacing the trident class submarines." President Bush has approved a budget for research into the "robust nuclear earth penetrator" (RNEP). Under these circumstances the treaty is worth less than the paper it's written on. Anyway if us of US decided to launch a nuclear attack the treaty would wiped out in the blast anyway"
Britain's decision to replace trident is based upon the fact that a decision to leave the club of nuclear powers would diminish Britain's international standing and influence"
As for Bush's pursuit of RNEP it is necessary to explain what it is, a bomb with a yield about ten times that of the Hiroshima device, designed to blow up underground bunkers which might contain weapons of mass destruction. Now given that the idea was conceived originally as a means of defeating Saddam Hussein back in 1991, it looks a little fruitless. However a white House spokesperson informed the compliant media that it was needed because "there are many dangerous nations like North Korea and Iran that are developing a nuclear capability, and the best way of defeating them is blowing them to pieces, and there's no better way to do that than unleash 10 times the destruction we did on Japan 60 years ago."

Ironically on July 18th, Bush announced that "as a responsible state with advanced nuclear technology, India should acquire the same benefits and advantages as other such states."
Four months previously the US lifted its South Asian arms embargo, by selling Pakistan a fleet of F-16 aircraft, capable of a carrying a wide range of missiles, and India an anti-missile system.

The fact that Iran signed the treaty and India didn't is no longer relevant according to Whitehall sources. Instead the new international guidance will be as follows

1) if a nation is in Britain and the US's good books nuclear weapons are fine, if their in the bad books no way development of nuclear power will not even be tolerated.
2) If a nation wants to develop nuclear weapons its enemy should be prepared to purchase defence systems from either the UK or US.
3) If either George or Tony is having a bad day the first two criteria will be disregarded
4) In the event of 3 allowing US or UK forces to be based in your country will count in your favour. As will not having oil reserves.
5) Any nation that has oil reserves will not be allowed nuclear weapons; this overrides all other criteria, except 3.

Any nation questioning the legitimacy of this policy better remember "we have nuclear weapons and people willing to use ‘em" according to US defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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