Written by manbrad
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Topics: Wikileaks

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Wikileaks today publicly dumped several trillion conversations held between billions of individuals, most of which were assumed to be private. The conversations reveal deep personal feelings of hatred, animosity, vindictiveness, pettiness and other base human feelings directed toward other individuals and groups not present. The publication has damaged billions of feelings and sensibilities worldwide as countless individuals, groups and organizations discover what others really think of them.

Joe Pew, of Swinburne, England, was devastated to find out that his wife often told others about how much she hated his mother. "She's been smiling in me mum's face for over twenty years and telling everyone but me that she thinks mum's a meddlesome busybody bitch! This 'urts it does!"

Katy Bosse, 15 year-old high school student of Overland Park, KS, was saddened to find that her two best friends were always making fun of her clothes and hair behind her back. "I went on Wikileaks today and found out that Jane [Deckard] and Denise [DuPree] have been making fun of me since second grade!" she exclaimed before dissolving into tears.

Individuals weren't the only ones injured by the publication. Honda Motor Company of Tokyo, Japan was devastated to find that a large percentage of employees hated working there. "We did a google search of the documents and we were distressed to find that the phrase 'working at Honda sucks' has been uttered by employees of ours over 3 million times in just the last year alone," the downcast automaker said.

At a press conference, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange said, "The road to human betterment begins with candor. Exposing the machinations of impersonal governments is a good first step. But only by being honest with each other on an individual basis can we all truly resolve our differences. Then, and only then, can we build a better tomorrow." Leaving the podium he said in a private aside to his aide, "Look at those stupid fuckers eat this shit up."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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