Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Washington, Ugly

Thursday, 28 July 2005

image for G. Dubya Butch Tired Of Bad Jokes, Orders FBI Investigation of Sassy Satirists
I'm Gonna Get That Wrascally Rapid Rarebit

Washington and Anywhere G. W. Butch Has Influence---In a determined, full time and open throttle effort to cut down on good, bad, ugly and indifferent jokes at his expense, G. W. Bush, now Presidential butt of, in his humble but substantial opinion, too many stinging and unfunny attacks that do not help him rise above the fray, that do not make him look squeaking clean, that do not uphold his highly polished self-image, has ordered a crackdown on lousy humor.


"What do clowns know? What do these jokers think they are doing? Making a mockery of what this government means, what it stands up for and the good things it is doing? Tearing at the exchequered loincloth of our democracy?"


"If they don't like what is going on, why don't they do something about it? Why don't they make the world a better place to live? Why do people have to laugh, anyway? Just because Laura blows off steam doesn't mean I should be blown off on the funky pages."


"There are all kinds of nice, polite, diplomatic ways to approach the problems of our times from singing protest songs in the bathroom to drawing pictures in men's rooms (and women's rooms, if you want to be fair) to sending anonymous Letters To The Editor to making complaints to relatives. People do not have to lodge meaningful protests as far as I am concerned. It's just not on my agenda."


"Truth be told, satire crosses the line. It hits me where I hurt, in the solar complexus. It points out all the things that people are unhappy with that nobody has to know about and that I personally cannot solve even if I had a potent solution. If people aren't told they are unhappy, well, by golly, by gum, they would be content with their lot in life and not expect miracles from Washington, something we cannot provide."


"There is nothing wrong with a tax break that a federal tax check cannot solve."


"Needling should be left to sewing circles. Have you ever heard a pint drop? Well, I, for one, consider it a crime against Nature, unnatural selection and an unfair way of attacking politicians."


"This has got to stop NOW."


Laura has the sense of humor. I am drop dead serious and if you don't believe me just talk to some of my guys in the FBI!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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