Written by chris finch
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Topics: China, Bird Flu

Friday, 1 July 2005

image for Bird Flu Confuses Birds That Fly
Thomas seeing the business end of Polly's argument

QINGHAI, CHINA -- Birds are in bewilderment throughout China tonight, as they are confused as to what all the fuss is about. The misunderstanding comes on the heels of an Asian bird flu pandemic.

"The confusion is basically being caused by a linguistics problem," Dr. Harry Camp of Birds International said. "When they hear flu, they think of the past tense of fly."

The problem is causing chaos among birds and people everywhere. Some reports say birds are now trying to encourage people to talk about their movements using words like 'travel' and 'move.'

"I flew by some people the other day and they were talking about the deadly bird flu," Polly, a bird representative, said. "I was like, what deadly bird? Where did the deadly bird fly?"

The linguistics problem is causing more than irritation for many domesticated birds too.

"I tried to ask for a cracker the other day and the person looked at me like was the grim reaper. She started covering her mouth and shooing me away," Polly said.

Worse, Polly says he at first thought the woman was saying flew instead of shoo, causing even further confusion. Birds want consideration, however, humans are not that quick to give it to them.

"It's a bird. I don't really care," John Jovi said.

Jovi is president of a group called 'Flipping the Bird,' a group some liken to other hate groups, like the Ku Klux Klan.

"It doesn't matter how you say it. The bird flu is the bird flu. They've got to know they're getting people sick," Jovi said. "I don't even have the flu and I'm sick of birds. Except chickens, they're tasty."

But Jovi's harsh sentiments are not shared by many. Karen Thomas is a member of The Tree Huggers Coalition. She thinks while the Asian bird flu is a problem, bird's feelings should be a problem too.

"If we had more understanding to birds plight. Uh-oh, that kind of sounds like flight. Plight and flight are different, right? Uh-oh," Thomas said. "I mean from now on, I'm using 'move.' It's not that hard. The birds moved south last winter. See."

Birds and humans feel some type of compromise must be reached to ensure the survival of both species. Violent overtones and subtle threats can be heard when they speak.

"I'm going to bird flu me some humans upside their head if this doesn't stop," Polly said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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