Written by IainB
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Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for Derek Acorah contacts Paul the Psychic Octopus
Acorah stares into his mystic crystal ball

Following the death of Paul the Psychic Octopus, the only other truly psychic being on the planet, Derek Acorah, has offered to contact Paul the Psychic octopus in order to predict the results of up coming sporting events.

Otto Limms, Paul's agent, handler, feeder, cleaner and ultimately eater, is grateful to the medium megastar.

"Obviously," he said, in suspiciously good English, "Paul is no longer with us, and with the Euro qualifiers coming up, punters are wanting to know who will be winning the games."

Acorah has already contacted the deceased octopus on live television to discover who would win the Germany Kazakhstan match, not only correctly predicting Germany's win, but also correctly predicting the 3-0 score-line. On being told that the match had already happened, Acorah stated that understanding Octopus was a tricky business, but that he could understand enough to predict games that have not happened yet.

In order to prove himself ahead of the upcoming Germany games, Paul, through Acorah, is predicting that Scotland will beat the Faroe Islands, Croatia will beat Malta and that Finland will beat San Marino. Unhappy with the octopus predicting the blindingly obvious, Acorah has been asked to find out from Paul the Octopus whether or not Liverpool will stay up. Lifelong Everton fan, Acorah has discovered from his new edible psychic guide that Liverpool are going down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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