Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 15 October 2010

image for Nancy Grace Defends Chilean Minors
Image protected, this minor was photographed before the bar incident.

Cable television rebel without a cause to blather on about, Nancy Grace quickly picked up on the story from the Atacama Desert where Chilean Minors had been recently arrested at a bar near the town of Calama.

"It's simply and unequivocally a moral and constitutional outrage", Grace declared in Southern twang last night on the first in a planned series of 40 telecasts on the topic, shaking her head in disgust though not upsetting the placement of a single strand of hair. Show producer Walter Meekman echoed Grace's sentiments, though it appeared that he was just mouthing the words in order to avoid a verbal beat down. "Nancy's right. She's always right actually, you just have to ask her, but in this case the Chilean Minors should be able to walk into a bar and order a few drinks, especially after what they went through".

With a translator standing by in Chile, Grace's first episode features a young man still wearing his hard hat and dark sunglasses, trying to appear upset that he had been arrested. The man looked more scared than upset on camera, while the translator replied back to Nancy, "He just wanted a shot of Crème de Menthe and a beer at the OASIS Bar & Grille".

"Is that so wrong, Mr. Chilean President? Can't a man who went through hell while trying to provide the only raw material that makes money for this country, walk into a bar and order a drink? I ask you, is that American? I mean, is that the Chilean way of doing things?"

The interview continued live until an older woman appeared on camera, taking the helmet off the young man, whacking him on the back of the head and then chasing him with a stick. Apparently the interviewee was 16 years old, posing as one trapped in the mine, and his mother had just tracked him down after the bar incident.

Meekman was left to the task of telling Ms. Grace that there was apparently a difference between spellings and meanings of the words Miner and Minor, but prepared a box of his personal effects just before hand.

New Nancy Grace producer, Harvey Milktoastin addressed the media the following day, apologizing for the mix up and promising even more hard hitting news programming on shows to come. "Tonight", Milktoastin declared, "Is Sandra Bullock getting a tattoo to help reconcile with Jesse James?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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