Written by Jimbo Gunn
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Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for BBC to auction official book of clichés used in miners' rescue coverage - profits go to Maggie Thatcher foundation
"I love miners"

A chance to literally own your very own piece of broadcasting history emerged after the BBC today indicated it would auction 150 copies of Carnage on the Scale of What Happened in Europe During the Two World Wars - the corporation's official book of clichés.

The official guide, issued to all 150 reporters sent to Camp Hope atop the Chilean mine where 33 miners were rescued/are in the process of being rescued/hoped to be rescued today (delete as appropriate) will be auctioned on Friday with all profits going to the Maggie Thatcher Foundation, which was set up in 1969 to improve conditions in abattoirs.

"Maggie loved the miners" said Tommy Bland, an official spokesperson at CBBC.

"It's no coincidence that this miracle rescue at a San Jose mine - a miracle the whole world thought it would never, ever see - happened today, the 13th October, which coincidentally happens to be the Iron Lady's 85th birthday," continued Mr. Bland, reading from a spare copy of the guide.

It's understood that bidders from Telegraph Media Group, Fox, The Scott Trust and Express Group Newspapers all expressed no interest in buying the BBC cliché guide. "We've got our own," said one angry executive.

Scenes of jubilation, tears and joy as family members and the general public alike are overcome with emotion at the prospect of being united with this cherished booklet - a little black leather-bound piece of history - the type of book that could keep the smile on the face of a trapped miner for 69 long, hard, lonely, worry-filled days and nights, goes on sale this Friday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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