In a world exclusive, In Seine News can reveal the whereabouts of the world's most (un)wanted criminal Osama bin Laden. The former terrorist/CIA agent (now retired), has remained elusive for the past decade even though a $20 million bounty has been offered for information that leads to his capture.
There have been many sightings around the world: from a cave in Pakistan, to the North Pole, from LA to New York, from New York to LA. There has even been a sighting of him in 'Elvis' chip shop in Pwthelli in North Wales. However, none have proved to be positive as yet.
A bloke in a pub confided in an In Seine News reporter that the man in question could be found hiding 911 feet below the Atacama Desert in a mine. He also believes there are 33 other accomplices with him, all of whom are rumoured to be members of Al Qaeda.
The rescue mission is due to begin soon and will probably take about 20 minutes to bring one man up to the surface in a cage that was probably inspired by Wallace and Gromit. Indeed, some of the parts were specially flown in from Bolton, Lancs.
It is known that there is debate as to who the last man will be to come out - it will probably be the man with the ugliest looking wife! The other problem will be identifying Bin Laden because all the men will be sporting three months worth of beards.
It is not known whether the bearded cleric tunnelled his way through the centre of the Earth from his former base in a cave in the foothills of Afghanistan.