Written by Guy Bellefonte
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: miners, chile

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

image for Chile Miner's Say Goodbye to Cave Dwelling Hermit People
We'll never forget your smile

Chilean miner's should finally be rescued tomorrow after spending 69 days trapped below the surface. The miners relayed messages to the media, briefly stating that they have been able to survive because of each other, their faith and their new friends; the long forgotten Chunk Tribe.

"At first they [Chunk Tribe] scared the hell out of us, but once we got to know them, they quickly became our friends. They taught us what we could and could not eat, where to find water and how to love again," said Jorge Cantraras.

You may remember the Chunk Tribe from a 1994 article in National Geographic which outlined their heritage and unique culture.

The Chunk Tribe, originally known as the Quesadilla Villagers, had long occupied present day Copiapo, Chile. Their heritage is more scattered than a torn open bag of tortilla chips in a frat house.

In 1987 the Peace Corps visited the village as part of a humanitarian effort to bring the people food, crop seeds, books and even movies. Records show that the villagers collectively watched the movie, Goonies, which would ultimately pave the way for the modern day Chunk Tribe.

The elders became enamored by the films description of an underground utopia including an old pirate ship filled with riches floating aimlessly deep within the cavern on the bluest water they had ever seen. They abruptly turned off the movie and began making plans to locate this lost vessel.

"Hey you guys!" they shouted to one another. "Rocky Road," another one said.

The following morning, Peace Corps folks witnessed the naive villagers enter the dark caves in search of One Eyed Willy's treasure and with a little luck; true happiness.

Former Peace Corps worker Michael Duncan recalled this bizarre occurrence. "I remember coming out of my tent and when I heard what they were doing, I desperately tried to tell them it was just a movie and in fact the Inferno Vessel eventually made it out to sea at the end of movie, but they wouldn't listen-they just wouldn't listen."

Out of the estimated 235 villagers that entered that day, approximately 28 are still alive, including 2 pregnant women.

Had the Chilean miners never been trapped, the world may have forgotten about these special people and their courageous attempt to find peace in this harsh world.

After years of near darkness, the Chunk have developed a severely limited sense of sight, but compensate with an above average sense of touch, feel and smell.

"These freaky bastards would sniff the air like a dog, then one of them would raise his arms lighting fast and pull a bat down as it was in mid-flight," said trapped miner Bibilioteca Cortez. "They were a creepy bunch, but we appreciated their willingness to share some of that nasty bat meat."

Chunklet, the lovable boy of the tribe, was trying to prove his manhood to the elders and managed to humor the miners with his impersonation of the Truffle Shuffle. Once successfully completing a Truffle Shuffle, the boys are allowed to begin hunting bats and looking for the Inferno with the other men.

"Never say die," Chunklet repeated. "Never say die."

Make Guy Bellefonte's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 2?

5 6 11 22

Go to top