Rome is in shock with the news that once again the Vatican is under investigation for irregular banking practices, including money laundering, and the Pope's Top Banker Ettore GOTTI Tedeschi is the target of the Probe!
Officials say Vatican funds of over $29M have been frozen during a failed transaction causing the Pope to suffer a 'panic attack leading to ' acute WITHDRAWAL symptoms' requiring his immediate hospitalization in a remote Swiss clinic.
For years the Vatican and it's financial arms have resisted all efforts at scrutiny, and apparently are not subject to any laws, financial review or accountability with the Church taking the view that all their income 'comes from Heaven' and therefore is not subject to scrutiny, or taxation, by mere mortals.
Adding to the drama is the arrival of he daughter of one time Gambino Crime Boss John GOTTI i who is said to have flown to the Pope's bedside in Switzerland.
Victoria Gotti, blonde, and with breasts not given to her by GOD, has made a good living off her father's notoriety, writing several novels, and appearing in the reality show "Growing Up Gotti' where she parents 3 out of control ignorant sons in episodes even worse than "The Jersey Shore."
Gotti is said to have been living comfortably off a Papal Annuity negotiated after her father's death when she cut a deal to not reveal the Gambino Family's strong ties to the Vatican, their gambling & banking empire, and their lock on Saturday night Bingo games in the Bronx, said to be worth $millions!
"Holy mackerel," said one Papal Watcher, " all this drama and it's not even Friday Fish Night!"
Insiders say the notoriously greedy and manipulative Victoria has sensed the Pope's weakness over this latest scandal and is poised to use her leverage over Papal Secrets to improve her standard of living.
Also mentioned is the impending cost of breast reduction surgery as she weighs offers to compete on next years "Dancing with the Stars" along side Jimmy Swaggart, another of God's Heavyweights, and her court case where she is trying to overturn the foreclosure of her NY mansion where her Reality
Show was filmed, not to mention the $5k a week allowance to each of her
A Papal spokesman said that the Pope's spirits were 'buoyed' by Victoria's arrival, and his condition while 'grave' were not life threatening, but financially troubling."
Ms. Gotti, clothed head to foot in a black outfit including veil and 7" stiletto heels looking as one fashion editor quipped, 'a plump lady Ga Ga' emerged from the bedside meeting wiping tears from her eyes, but smiling non the less.
Speaking demurely Gotti said the visit was 'profitable' and 'for the first time in my life I'm proud to be Catholic!'
Reporters asked Victoria if there was any truth to the rumour that the Pope had bought out the rights to her new book "Victoria's Secrets" for a reported
"I can't talk about that," the pouty lipped Italian Diva said petulantly, "let's just say some things are better left unsaid....especially since the check hasn't cleared yet due to some technical difficulties!"
From somewhere in the crowd a voice was heard to shout 'BINGO!' which brought a smile to Victoria's face as she excused her self on her way to light a few candles in the hospital chapel.