Written by Blazey
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Topics: Australia

Friday, 17 September 2010

Under mounting media pressure, the Australian government has devised an extraordinary policy to deal with the growing influx of illegal boat people. What has been described as the 'one policy solution', the Australian Minister for Immigration, Satish Rama described his solution as 'killing two birds with one stone.'

'Australia is in this unique dilemma that the people of Australia perceive boat people as the number one biggest crisis facing our country in the modern era, on the other hand we have a skills and labour shortage due to record level low unemployment.'

Mr Rama who migrated from Sri Lanka a year ago then continued, 'we have devised a strategy by offering a one year work visa to overseas residents, this visa will allow them to work legally in Australia as an Australian Customs border patrol officer and/or a immigrant detention centre employee legally for one year.'

When asked which countries residents would be offered the work visas, Mr Rama's response was, 'the visas will be available to a wide cross section of international allies including, England, Scotland, Ireland and New Zealand.'

The response to Mr Rama's policy has been met with widespread acclaim. Irish backpacker Dougal Mcinty, sitting on Bondi beach, gave us his thoughts, 'to be sure, its genius, my work visa expired months ago so now I can apply for an extension to help purge Australia of this relentless onslaught of boat people.' With an expression of dismay Mr Mcinty continued, 'Don't these boat people understand travelling by boat can make you sea sick.'

Opposition leader Tony Abbot laughed off the policy as nonsense, 'offering a one year visa to predominately white, so called legal immigrants to combat illegal boat people is absurd.' Mr Abbot continued 'One year is way to short, given the time it takes to process these crocodile dodgers fake asylum claims' he then went on 'and the cross section of overseas candidates must be extended to include Wales and the Netherlands if the government is really serious about stopping boat people.'

Government officials have responded to Mr Abbots comments stating they will reduce the time it takes to process the legal work visas down from two weeks to one week this way we can skill up plenty of new applicants to process the boat peoples applications for asylum which can take anywhere up to nine years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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