Written by matthatt
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Topics: Top Gear, The Stig

Sunday, 22 August 2010

image for The Stig unhelmeted by suddenly going all bling
How dare you want to earn as much as the other people on the show!

The unhelmeting of the BBC Top Gear stunt driver known as "The Stig" was shunted further into the oncoming headlights of the international media juggernaut today, after financial details came to light that suggested it's a former racing driver, Ben Collins.

Mr Collins, 35, is a former soap box derby champion and up until recently, had been a complete street urchin of Dickensian proportions, scrounging around for scraps, in and out of work houses and requesting bigger portions of gruel from his cruel task master.

The former urchin then suddenly went form rags to slightly whiter rags as he was purchased from one work house and sent to work for another, THE BBC!

A belly full of something warm and a shiny helmet can turn a young mans head quicker than you can say Formula One, in no time at all, the young Mr Collins was the behelmeted Stig of fable and being paid modestly for it too, not to the same extent as Jeremy Clarkson of course, who just earned another £300.000 from a lucrative, Top Gear, related book deal.

Mr Collins was now in the money and was noted to have changed his spending behaviour in the month following the new, white Stigs appearance on TV.

No more scrounging for scraps and sleeping rough, only top quality food for this lad from now on. He went out and purchased a months supply of top quality gruel from Harrods and bought a new gold plated gruel bowl and matching gruel spoon on a chain, to keep under his cot in the basement of the house of his new aunty Beeb.

The cheeky wee scamp.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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