Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: San Francisco

Friday, 20 August 2010

image for American Airlines Security Threat Deemed "Non-credible" By Men Travelling With Foreign Passports, holding One-Way Tickets, Without Luggage.
"... but if I fly this puppy into the Ground-Zero Mosque, I'm the asshole, right? So unfair."

"Please, go about your business," requested two men on-board an American Airlines plane in San Francisco today. "Our threat against this airplane is non-credible. Thank you, come again."

So began Flight 24, bound for New York's JFK Airport.

Did you know?

That not one of the jokes anthonyrosania thought of while writing this turd actually ended up being funny? Crazy, but true! "Nothing was clicking for me," said anthonyrosania, who is handsome, in that very common what-if-Peter-Brady's-hairline-receded-4-inches-and-he-discovered-how-yummy-carbohydrates-are type of way. "See, even the self-deprecating Peter Brady comparison didn't work. I should just go to bed."

Did you know?

Ok, the "don't tase me, bro" reference is kinda funny.

"No one was 'arrested' or 'placed in handcuffs' or 'defiled with a plunger handle' in connection with a phone call threatening a hijacking of the flight in San Francisco, California," said Police Sgt. Michael Rodriguez, whose comments the author plagiarized wholesale from CNN, because it's 2:30 AM and I'm very tired.

Earlier, a source familiar with the investigation said that two passengers were being forced to talk to an airport security officer for hours. Said the S.F.P.D.: "If talking to one of those retards doesn't force them to confess, what will?"

The threat was called in before the plane departed from San Francisco.

"It is absolutely unfair that we were profiled by the racists on the San Francisco Police Department," said one of the questioned passengers -- whom the S.F.P.D. referred to as "Terrorist 'A'", during a joint press conference. "By the way, cops, I said 'I like that Bar', not 'Allah Akbar, you bigoted... Wait, don't tase me, bro! AAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhh!!"

Flight 24, which eventually made it to John F. Kennedy Airport, was taken to a remote location, where all brown passengers were removed, water-boarded, interviewed and re-screened, while local law enforcement officers inspected the aircraft.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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