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Thursday, 19 August 2010

image for Isle Of Wight News - Ryde Turns Down Twin-Town Offer From Hog Jaw Arkansas
Mayor Dumpty Said That Hog Jaw Residents Would Never Tolerate A Statue Like This One.

Mayor Vernon Adcock, the first openly gay Mayor of Ryde today announced that Ryde had politely declined offers to be twinned with the township of Hog Jaw, Arkansas, USA.

Mayor Adcock, speaking on behalf of Ryde Council, explained that the problem lay mainly in the timing of the proposal, citing that perhaps Hog Jaw was just a little too racy to be twinned with Ryde, adding that perhaps in another ten years or so, a twinning initiative would prove to be more fruitful, once the Isle of Wight has caught up with the American dynamic of such a fast moving metropolis as Hog Jaw.

"I spoke on the telephone with Mayor Dumpty of Hog Jaw," Mayor Adcock explained. "And sadly it seems that we are currently not ready for a mutual arrangement. At this time. I wouldn't ever permanently dismiss such a move, but those people over there are light years ahead of us in their lifestyle and thought processes. We need to do a lot of catching up before we're ready to plunge into the future."

But not all Ryde residents were in agreement. Vic Vaporub, store detective at the Trashco supermarket in Ryde told us:

"It's a missed opportunity if you ask me. They do some really interesting stuff over there, like coon skinning, deer hunting, bear baiting, and shooting the fuck out of watermelons with big heavy calibre machine guns. I can imagine the constant whooping getting on people's nerves if they come over here on exchange visits, but that's nothing. They're God fearing, snake-teasing people by all accounts, and I've also heard that the world fish stretching champion comes from Hog Jaw. I just look on it as a missed opportunity."

Rumours that the real reason for the twin-town plan dismissal arose when Mayor Dumpty called Mayor Adcock "a fairy assed faggot" in a telephone call have not been confirmed.

More as we get it.

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