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Topics: Jersey Shore

Monday, 16 August 2010

image for 'Jersey Shore's' Ronnie Busted For Impersonating an Italian, Parking Tickets

"Jersey Shore" cast member Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was taken in to custody by Seaside Heights PD this morning, because of warrants for unpaid parking tickets, as well as unlawfully impersonating a Italian.

N.J.S.A. 2c:13-1(a)-(d) provides as follows:

[u]2C:13-1 Unlawful Impersonation Of A Full-Blooded Italian For Profit

a. A person is guilty ofUnlawful Impersonation Of A Full-Blooded Italian For Profit if he falsely admits, acts like, or represents himself as a person who has two (2) parents that are singularly of Italian descent: And;

b.) The person uses his status as a full-blooded Italian to Win, earn, or otherwise procures moneys, or things of value.

c. Except when the representation as a full-blooded Italian involves work as an extra or bit-player in a Mafia movie, Unlawful Impersonation Of A Full-Blooded Italian For Profit is a crime of the first degree and upon conviction thereof, a person may be sentenced to an ordinary term of imprisonment between 15 and 30 years.

d.) If the person has taken an affirmative, demonstrable step toward separating himself from the unlawful representation, it is a crime of the second degree.

"Based upon our research," said Detective Barry Cade, of the Seaside Heights, NJ A.F.D, (anti-fake Dago) Bureau," It came to our attention that the suspect, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, is 50% Italian and 50% Puerto Rican."

{em·bar·rass·ment
n.
1. The act or an instance of embarrassing.
2. The state of devaluing those things of value because a course of conduct makes others uncomfortable. "Jersey Shore is an embarrassment to every Italian worldwide."

"¿Cómo usted puedes a decir que no soy italiano? That's f--king bullsh-t," said Mr Ortiz-Magro, while reading 'Everybody Poops' to pre-schoolers at nearly Mantoloking Day Care. "How could you possibly think I am Puerto Rican?

"I mean, I guess I hadn't had a job for a few years," said Ortiz-Mango. "Plus, I start unprovoked fights on the boardwalk, and I do spend a lot of money on hair products and tequilla, and most days just hanging out and doing nothing, so... Holy Sh-t, I'm lazy, shiftless, unmotivated and I loiter; I must be Puerto Rican."

"Mr. Ortega-Mangoes denies that these tickets are his," concluded the Seaside Heights cop. "So, yeah, a Puerto Rican trying to hide from his responsibilities: There's a shocker.

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