Written by Morse
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Topics: World Record

Sunday, 8 August 2010

image for Colonial Tourist Claims Title of   "Man With World's Largest Penis" after Airport Scan at JFK !
Scan Reveals Man with World's Largest Penis, Also has Big Lungs!

Due to unintended consequences, a normal man, quite ordinary in fact according to neighbors, was recently found to be "The Man With The World's Largest Penis' after a full body scan as he passed through JFK airport on his way to Britain on Holiday.

According to TSA officials who administered the scan last week, they at first were skeptical and feared a malfunction in the security device which is being employed to invade the privacy of millions of privates.

A TSA employee who was not authorized to discuss penises, said a crowd of TSA workers crowded around the scanning device as the tourist was being screened.

The area was immediately cordoned off after a rookie scanner thought the man was hiding a rocket propelled grenade launcher in his jockey shorts, but it soon became apparent that the unidentified object really was a HUGE penis.

After passing the man through to boarding after getting his full name and particulars, the scan, which Homeland Security Head Janet Napitalano said should not be saved or stockpiled for privacy reasons was immediately forwarded directly to her office for verification.

An aide to the unmarried head of the security agency said at first Janet was shocked, but her amazement turned to awe after comparing the scan to Bargis Tryhol, current holder of the dubious world record, from a scan taken from Miami International Airport where he left for early retirement to New Delhi, India a few short months ago.

Shock and Awe soon turned to disgust however, when it became apparent that Napitalano would now have to endorse the holder of the new world record, as Ms. Napitalano not only has an aversion to, but is allergic to Penises, especially those trying to penetrate Southern Borders, an act which the Secretary is said to 'take very personally!"

A spokesman said Homeland Security would name the new world record holder on "Hairball' with Chris Matthews, and copies of the amazing scan would be shown and discussed on The View later in the week.

The still unidentified and unaware holder of the new record is now somewhere in the UK on an unspecified vacation itinerary and could be 'just about anywhere' according to a spokesman for Mdm. Tussaud's Wax Museum who is said 'to be keen' on adding to their display of famous politicians, celebrities, soccer stars and 'other pricks.'

A reporter lurking outside Napitalano's office hoping to get a comment on the development was almost bowled over as a short, squatty, pants suited aide pushed passed him carrying an envelope into the office shouting, "Janet....you and Elenna are going to love it...wait till you see the tits & arse on the one that just passed through Reagan International!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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