Written by NewYorkversusLondon
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Topics: accident, Shooting

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

image for Colombian Chicken Farmer Shoots Off Same Leg Twice By Mistake
At least he can still laugh about it.

Papa Gonzales, a Colombian chicken farmer, has shot off the same leg twice within the space of three weeks by mistake.

According to his son Junior, who was watching from a hole in their shack, says his father was chasing a lone chicken around the pen when he tripped over a piece of dust and blew his left leg off by the process of error.

Junior bravely dragged his father forty eight miles to the nearest hospital where he was slapped repeatedly upon his arrival.

With food at the hospital in short supply, Junior headed home to fetch his father supplies.

"I always thought you killed a chicken by strangling it by the neck but father insisted on shooting them to death and would pump so many bullets into them, for dinner, we would usually share a feather."

On his way back to the hospital, Junior spoke to the local press, a man standing in a field.

When news spread across the globe, top American Leg Surgeon, Dmitri Kawasaki, who only treats people who have blown their own legs off by mistake, borrowed some money from his mom and flew straight to Colombia to treat the man.

Upon his arrival, he discovered that none of the doctors or nurses had ever seen a school and had tied Papa to the bed after he had stuck a feather in each ear, one up arse and refused to stop polishing his Uzi.

Three hours after surgery, Papa was celebrating the success of his surgery by firing his Uzi into the air, whilst leaping around the hospital grounds singing and dancing to the 1984 Rockin' Sidney classic 'Don't Mess With My Toot Toot'.

By the end of the second verse he had tripped over a blade of grass, fired seventy eight rounds into his left leg, fallen over, beat his own balls with a nearby stick, gently bummed a nurse, raised his gun, shot Dr. Kawasaki's arms off, and called him "a poof."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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