Written by Monochrome
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Topics: Camilla, experts

Thursday, 24 March 2005

image for Camilla to be King
The Next King?

Constitutional experts say that they can see no reason why Camilla Parker-Bowles cannot become the next king.

"Let's face it." Said an unnamed official, "No-one really wants a bumbling old fool like Jug-ears Charlie to be king do they? Have you seen how sick he looks? I doubt if he'll survive the honeymoon night let alone outlive his mother! So it's obvious really isn't it? Camilla's our man!"

The suggestion has gained widespread approval among a range of influential royal watchers and overcomes the controversy surrounding exactly what title Mrs. Parker-Bowles should be given upon her marriage and her accession to the throne.

"We have studied all they relevant historical data and see no reason why we should not have a King Camilla." Said Clarence House official, The Honourable Sir Sidney Light-Finger. "Public opinion has been listened to. No-one wants Queen Camilla do they? There are already plenty of queens around here as it is!"

The royal wedding plans have been dogged by controversy with popular opinion divided as to what title Mrs. Parker-Bowles should be given upon her marriage and even as to whether Prince Charles should marry her at all. The "King Camilla" solution is seen by many royal observers as the ideal resolution to what has become a constitutional crisis. It is even hoped that the Queen may have a change of heart and attend the civil ceremony, although inside sources suggest that this will not be the case.

"We believe that the British public will be right behind us on this one." Said spokesman, Tarquin Slime. "The people love the Monarchy, they love Charles and Di, err, I mean Camilla and everyone loves a wedding, especially a royal wedding! All this talk of the nation being apathetic or turning against the Royal Family is just newspapers trying to sell copy. It's just rubbish."

Close friends of Prince Charles say that he delighted by the proposals but was unavailable for comment because he was detained, "Hugging trees and talking to some poxy flowers." According to a spokesman.

In our own recent survey we asked;

Which of the following would you prefer Camilla to be called following her marriage to Prince Charles?

Survey Results

Princess Consort 0%

Queen 0%

King 1%

Mrs. Windsor 0%

Other (Please Specify) 99%

The most popular "Other" suggestion was, "That Bloody Woman". Which gained 98% of the vote. The only other suggestion gaining 2% was unprintable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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