Written by Peter Stevenson
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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

image for BP oil spill charity crosses wires with niche porn website
One of Oil Relief's many punters

The massive BP oil leak has caused serious concerns the world over, but it now has a new charity behind it in order to help finance whatever is necessary to rectify the situation. But things are off to a slippery start...

Oil Relief was set up by government officials during a friendly game of conkers. Donations have already been flooding in, with street collections, £1000 a plate fund-raiser dinners and celebrity donations providing much needed support. In addition, the upcoming charity record "Oil and water just don't mix, arrr" by the Wurzels is hoped to raise a significant amount.

However, an unfortunate misunderstanding with arguably the biggest money spinner - the website - has left the charity extremely embarrassed. Instead of the correct charity web address at www.oilrelief-uk.com, the generous public has been logging on to www.oilrelief.com, a niche porn site where people, animals, statues and even representations of religious figures are lathered in oil for the gratification of their viewers. Crucially, the front page does not make the subject matter immediately obvious, but the prominent "Pay Now" button at the top has left thousands of hasty charity do-gooders signed up, thus receiving a flurry of pornagraphic material posted to their homes, their mobiles, and their email inbox.

Embarrassment aside, there have been shocking consequences arising from the mistake. Gerald, a 78 year old retired florist had to be rushed to hospital after suffering a heart attack in his home. His daughter Mary explained "It was like any other Tuesday. I went to my Dad's to make him lunch and help him use the internet for gardening purposes. When I arrived I found him slumped on the lounge floor muttering 'Oil Christ! Oil Christ!', and sure enough there on his computer screen was a live webcam feed featuring a man dressed as Jesus rubbing his genitals with sunflower oil. Its disgusting".

Owners of the website, Slick Dreams, have refused to return the money to the reported 28,000 accidental subscribers, but instead have offered to donate 5p for every £1 they make to the oil spill campaign. Ironically, the controversy has sparked several new subscribers such as Brian, 32: "Money well spent! Not only can I help the BP oil spill, but I can finally get the 'relief' I need. I didn't know other people shared my fetish, but now I can see an antelope ridden by a troupe of oiled up circus midgets anytime I like!".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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