3200 KMS West of the Australian Coastline
Eye witnesses on an Australian QANTAS aircraft sent to locate missing world circumnavigation sailor ABBY SUNDERLAND claim to have seen several Israeli Blackhawk helicopters circling Abby Sunderland's yacht WILD EYES moments before it was dis-masted and wrecked in the Southern Ocean.
Abby herself is claiming one minute she was sailing along, not a problem in the world then WHAMMMO she heard what she thought were helicopter sounds,machine gun fire and an explosion then the mast was no longer there!
The 16 y.o was rescued by a French Fishing/spy vessel that happened to be tracking the blackhawks.
Capt Croissant Of the fishing/spy vessel,'ZE Garlik Prawn' said in a radio interview "Oui we waz tracking zee Israeli helios ant zen zuddenlie ze paratroopers fell from ze helios onto ze deck and began shooting ant stabbing ze mast, zen zey blew it off! May oui eet wuz crazy stuff"!
On deck of ZE Garlik Prawn a teary eyed Abby Sunderland sat, "They wrecked me coming first!!!!I wanna be first! I wanna be first!" she looked skyward and screamed'"I AM A GODDAM AMERICAN WHERE ARE THE MARINES?"
Captain Croissant responded with "It eeez cold and wet my leettle zailor girl,perhaps zey didn't have any warm clothes for theez weather. Would you like to zee my etchings in ze capitains cabin? A leettle wine ant zum cheez?"
The Americans are said to be furious, and are reported to have demanded that Abby be thrown back over so the U.S.Navy Seals could rescue her, while using helmet cam and night goggles and laser sights.
Officials in the US Congress are asking why it had to be the French of all people to have saved her?
Israel has admitted that "Israeli Defence Forces thought Abby's sailboat was sneaking up on Israel from behind and they acted in self defence. They are having an investigation and NO no-one is invited except them to it and all revelations will be kept top secret so just piss off!"
Hollywood is offering Abbey ten billion bucks if she will jump off ZE Garlik Prawn and allow the US Navy Seals to re-rescue her,insiders are saying it would make for a much more saleable movie.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Make Lance.D.Boyle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
RSS
Follow us on Twitter
More fake news stories
Man Has Both Legs Amputated In Revenge Wedding Prank
A newlywed groom woke up in hospital the day after his wedding to find both his legs had been amputated - as part of a revenge prank by the groom's brother.
Plumber Sydney Squat-Thrust chopped off his brother Jarrod's legs as he slept on his weddi...
Knock-and-run incident is suspected 'terror attack'
Reports are coming in of a suspected terror attack on the streets of London this afternoon. An unidentified teenager apparently knocked on the red door of a local resident and was filmed afterwards using religious language.
Witnesses say that the...
Gay Divorce yet to be legalised
Parliament passed the bill that legalised gay marriage in the UK, albeit with some stumbles along the way. News of the bill's passing was greeted by high-pitched cheers from the assembled, and well dressed, crowd outside the Houses of Parliament.
Kate Middleton garden gnome caught in lewd shagging act at Chelsea Flower Show
London - The Queen's practically had a heart attack at the news that a Kate Middleton garden gnome 'looking like it had swallowed a mouthful' was found in a state of flagrente delicto at a Chelsea Flower Show preview party.
Modeled on pregnant roy...
France Announces That The Eiffel Tower Will Become A Clothes-Optional Landmark
PARIS - France's national news agency Le News Agency has just announced a new French law that will take effect on Tuesday, May 28.
Gigi de Maupassant, a reporter for Le News stated that due to the declining number of tourists visiting the world fa...
Britain's Double Decker Buses To Be Replaced
LONDON - Britain's Bus Bureau, known as the BBB, has just announced that it is in the process of starting to eliminate all double decker buses.
Reginald F. Quibbenshire, a spokesperson for BBB stated that since the numbers of people riding public...
Hurricane hits Warsaw and kills nobody!
Warsaw,Poland: Hurricane Erskine hit Warsaw over the Whit weekend and killed nobody, damaged no buildings, but hit the Warsaw Book Fair with some very turbulent sex waves!
In fact the impact of Hurricane Erskine Esq. hitting the city was so extrem...
Scotland could take UK's place in the EU, says SNP
A spokesman for the Scottish National Party has suggested that if Scotland becomes independent from the rest of the UK next year, and if the rest of the UK wants to leave the EU, then it would make sense for Scotland to take over the UK's seat in the...