Washington (Spoof International News) March 17. U.S. President George W. Bush is using the occasion of St. Patrick's day to call on the Irish people to disband U2.
Mr. Bush only recently decided to give "that sot" Gerry Adams the cold shoulder, telling staff that he was no more welcome in the White House than say, Yasser Arafat.
St. Patrick's day was celebrated in Washington, just like anywhere else alcohol is served.
"First, I would like to congratulate the Irish people, as I do every year at this time," said Bush, "on the anniversary of St. Patrick introducing alcohol back to Ireland in oh 1690 or some time like that. It continues to be a cherished holiday for all Irish."
At the podium, Mr. Bush had a quick sip on a special Irish coffee. "Mmmm- good. Now- I would like to say to the Irish people that it is absolutely unconscienabable that an ancient political organization such as U2 should be allowed to prosper in Ireland. They've got their own private army, for God's sake. On top of that, they've been making and selling records and playing to sold out crowds for over 25 years! Why can't the Irish see that they are evil? I call on U2 to disband, in the name of decency, and for the sake of peace!"
As recently as last November, Mr. Bush spoke with Adams by telephone (while flying back to the White House from his ranch in Texas) and lamented on how "in this day and age, that Catholics can't get along with Presbyterians," and later "don't even think about the job as the head of the World Bank. No how, no way buddy. Not in a New York minute."
Mr. Bush also recently denied Adams the chance to raise money for the party while on a visit to the US, by personally refusing the category of VISA that allows fundraising by a foreign national. "Why does he need a VISA, anyway?" said Bush. "Just tell him to use some of the money from the train robbery. He didn't drink it all already did he?"