Written by Mike Monpas
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Topics: Poo, Oil, Oil Spill, bp

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

image for BP Worker's Oversized Bowel Movement Blamed for Disaster

After starting their criminal investigation into the BP Oil Spill only very recently, Attorney General Eric Holder, and his team of Federal experts believe that they have finally gotten to the bottom of the matter.

Investigators now seem to be focusing the majority of their efforts on one BP rig worker, who both ironically and coincidentally shares the same last name as the Attorney General himself. His name is Duke Holder. However to his shipmates aboard the ill-fated rig, he was affectionately known as, "Dukie."

Consumed with their fast paced and intense industrial work, it was not uncommon for BP workers to go for days without having a chance to use the lavatory. One such worker, Chris Murphy of Reno, Nevada had this to say, "Yeah, that's right. When you're out there and you're hitting, or about to hit a gusher, you don't have time to do nothing for yourself, you don't even have time to take a shit. One time, I think I went for seven days without taking one, and when I did, I thought it was so much like giving birth that I even named the damn thing Jody after the first hooker I ever rented. I was so proud, I hated to have to flush her down. That one caused a rumble below too, but not like the one Dukie let rip."

"Dukie" Holder's fellow team members recall that he had gone two weeks without having the time to drop a bowel movement in the lavatory. Everyone, was expecting something big.

"I knew when he finally went in there that all hell was about to break loose," Murphy said, "but I'll tell you what, I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would be this bad. Now we have a downed rig and we've got oil and shit all over the place."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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