Written by Mike Monpas
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Topics: Al Gore, Oil, Environment

Saturday, 22 May 2010

image for Al Gore Urges World to Implement His F.A.R.T. Plan

In response to the BP Oil Rig Explosion and the ensuing environmental disaster, world renowned environmentalist Al Gore has unveiled a new plan for Fast Action Response Teams to be able to counter attack against any future disasters.

From his three story plantation style mansion in Tennessee, former Vice President Gore, spoke to ABC's George Stephanopoulos at length.

Al Gore: "Well George, I've been sitting here in my mansion, watching as the unmitigated disaster unfolds. And by the way, each room in my place has a brand new forty two inch or larger flat screen high definition television so I can keep close watch, and what I am seeing is making me absolutely sick. I haven't been this troubled and depressed since Bush Jr. stole the election. In fact, I've been so depressed that I've spent most of my time these last few weeks, glued to the couch. I haven't even had the energy to take a shower. That's how hard this has hit me."

Stephanopoulos: "Wow, Mr. Vice President, that's sad to hear, but let me be the first to tell you, considering the shower situation, I am very glad that I am doing this interview from a remote location. So, anyhow please tell us about your plan."

Al Gore: "Thank you George. I decided that we need to have quicker response times to these types of disasters. In other words we need to contain these events into lock boxes, only we must do it much quicker so they don't get out of control. Under my plan we will create Fast Action Response Teams, or FARTs in order to quickly counter act the menace."

At this point in the interview, Stephanopoulos couldn't contain himself and broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. He regained his composure during a commercial break, then posed a follow-up question.

Stephanopoulos: "Sir, are you aware that the acronym you have posed, is actually a slang term for flatulence, you know a word that means, to 'break-wind' as they say?"

Al Gore: "Now George, I am aware that flatulence is a problem with cows. In fact to their great credit, the United Kingdom has passed legislation to curtail such emissions. But no, I have not heard nor ever used the word that I created with my new acronym."

Stephanopoulos: "Alright Sir, I will take your word for it that FART, like the Internet is your patented creation. Now maybe you can tell our viewers just how these FARTs will be created?"

Al Gore: "Thank you for that acknowledgement George. Well, it all starts in the schools. We must have our teachers form groups of FARTs within their schools. Once these FARTs gain popularity they can be used to great advantage to bring about environmental change with larger formations of massive FARTs."

Following this ABC Television interview, Al Gore was nominated by the I.A.R.C. (International Anal Retention Club) for a lifetime Diamond Award, which he is prepared to receive in June.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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