Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Earth, Arsenal

Friday, 11 February 2005

image for North Korea Test Fires New Missile
Wily Kim Jong Il takes a birthday ride.

PYONGYANG (AP) North Korean news agencies report that a missile was launched early this morning. Pyongyang officials boasted that the new missile was capable of reaching anywhere on earth while carrying the latest nuclear warhead in their arsenal. The news shocked political and military leaders all over the world.

South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun said, "We sent that no-good Kim Jong Il 551,155 tons of chemical fertilizer as part of this year's aid package and meanwhile he blows millions on missiles and atomic weapons."

The United Nations World Food Program said recently it needs 500,000 tons of food, worth more than $200 million, to help feed 6.5 million hungry North Koreans this year. Millions of children, women and elderly people in North Korea were barely subsisting because they lack both the quantity and quality of nourishment they deserve "Maybe we should just send them rocket fuel instead."

In Paris, President Jacques Chirac said, "We have nothing to fear from Kim Jong Il. No one has ever attacked France and gotten away with it."

In Washington, Dick Cheney showed President Bush a globe and pointed to where North Korea was. "Really, way over there?"

Osama bin Laden was not immediately available for comment about the new North Korean missile, but he could be heard breaking open his piggy bank at the back of his cave.



LATE BREAKING NEWS REPORTS:

Reports are coming in from several sources claiming that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il not only authorized the test firing of the new missile, but also personally climbed aboard the missile on its maiden voyage! Such a crazy prank would be right in line with many other crazy things the 62-year-old dictator has done over the years. Kim was recently feeling despondent over the suicide of his sister. Perhaps this was just his way of celebrating his birthday that comes on February 16th.

In Houston, NASA officials report that astronauts on the orbiting space station saw a strange missile go by with something clinging to the outside. They were able to snap a picture of the missile just before it plunged into the Pacific Ocean. The Spoof is making every effort to get a copy of that picture.

Another report from a Los Angeles shipping company says that a large freighter carrying a load of Daewoo cars suddenly disappeared from radar and was not answering radio calls. The loss of that many Daewoo cars was met with loud cheers by hundreds of former Daewoo owners.

Military officials in Washington refused all comment about whether there was a nuclear blast somewhere in the Pacific, but hundreds of workers at the Pentagon were seen running towards underground bunkers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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