Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Oil Spill, Lynton

Monday, 3 May 2010

image for Lynton Contemplates Leaving TheSpoof, to Save Louisiana Shoreline
Mystery writer, philanthropist, English Stud, Lynton, in and out of the news.

While hoping to keep his financial wherewithal a private matter, decorated Spoof writer and anonymously named author, "Lynton", plans a departure from TheSpoof to aid the threatened shoreline of the Louisiana coast.

Proving the be the single largest stockholder in the British Petroleum Company (BP), and a never ending defender of fish and waterfowl habitats around the world, the reclusive Lynton will be marshaling his private fleet of hovercraft on a trip to the Americas. His own patented surface mining net technology at the ready, Lynton plans to encircle the larger oil flows, so that it can be pumped out safely into awaiting tankers.

"He's an amazing man with high moral principles", says Lynton's personal aide, Buster Neekaps, "but nobody is allowed to talk to him personally". Neekaps was seen pointing to one reporter jockeying position to get a closer look at the awaiting limousine outside Lynton's London flat. "Back the fuck up, before I break off my size 13 boot up your ass", said Neekaps.

While the mysterious man covered himself in bed sheet to avoid the paparazzi, the limousine sped away, reportedly heading to his private Gulfstream at Gatwick. With a flight plan indicating New Orleans as the final destination, readers of TheSpoof hope that they have not heard the last of the man who shares a voice with the masses. With wealth at his side, albeit fleeting in BP stock value, the man who spoke quite eloquently for the common man, may or may not be back after this ecological adventure. Those of us, who can count themselves as fans, hope he will.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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